I don’t know if I have been so personal as i’m about to be in this post, i’m about to share with you my own thoughts and experiences with depression. Me, Myself and I had about 2-4 years of varying depression. It’s been a inspiring, fascinating and most of all sad experience. Not me or anyone else know how or why it started, but thats a point not worth investigating, especially when you are at your lowest in life.
I remember the time it all started, allot of change had took place. Me and my family had moved from the place where I had spent all of my young life, the school that I had spent the past seven years didn’t have any room left for me anymore. We had to move, I had to change school. And from there, it was all downhill.
After we had moved away from our old place, everyone had stuff to do, except myself. My mom and dad had work to do, my big sister got a job for the summer. This left me with allot of time to just think, by myself. Summer vacation had just started, and it was just the thing I dreamed of, now i could sit home alone and play Counter-Strike how much I want! Two days, Three days, Four days all in a row, they would never know!! Sure, it was all fun and games for a WHILE, but it soon faded and got boring.
At this time I had nothing to do, nothing fun anyway, so I decided to take a walk, and then another one, and another, and another, and so on. This made me think even more, about… everything! I thought about girls, about technology, about school… I usually did these walks during the night, waaaay to late, at about ten pm and came of two hours later. Doing nothing but walking.
School was about to start, and I didn’t know what to expect. I had heard some good things about the school, but nothing about the people who went there. I also had visited it a few weeks before it closed for the summer, and nothing seemed bad about it, completely flawless in my opinion. But I couldn’t have been more wrong, sure everything was nice and new and all, but my classmates where annoying as hell! And this was supposed to be the seventh grade? Sure, not everyone where bad, I met some friends as well.
But the worst thing about school was that as soon as it was over for the day, I had to walk all the way home. And have something ICE COLD, one the rocks (no, not alcohol, just coke). And lye down on the sofa and just fall asleep from the horrid day. It might have been good for my health to get a good long sleep, but it sorely wasn’t good for my grades, they where going down like the stock market in the great depression (how ironic).
With my mood, mental health and grades falling WAY below average. I soon had lost all the will to live, all i had left was all of those damn walks that i took EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. There was NEVER a exception not to take a walk, at some nights when i was at my lowest, i used to walk over a short bridge and look down at the pitch black road. Those where the moments when i had the most of my suicidal thoughts, pounding in the back of my head.
One thing i believe i have to mention is the constant flow of thoughts i had all day and night during my depression. It could be absolutely anything, from love to suicide. And the thoughts just kept on coming and never showing any sign of stopping, a constant pounding in my scull telling me to just end it all. At this time i was at my lowest, if not my loving parents had come in and helped me (they had seen me as a extremely lazy teenager all this time) and brought me to the proper people.
“The proper people” where just simply a teenage psychologist, and to make a long story short, he changed my life. Off course, it didn’t happen over night, and i also needed some “drugs” to get me on my feet again. After about a month i felt allot better (ALLOT), after all of the side effects from the drugs off course.
Today i feel allot better, i have never been as active in school, politics, music, and technology as i am today. All thanks to my loving parents, a really good psychologist and a truckload of drugs.
//Peppoj
